slip slidin'

After several days during which Lars only a bad hour or two, we had started to feel optimistic. Today, however, has been awful start to finish. Actually last night was awful, too.

Over the course of today & tonight, we've given Lars a total of 15 1/2 mg of morphine & some vallium, and still he's spent most of his time crying, has eaten hardly anything, and drank even less. Many times he screamed so hard he turned shades of blue & purple. He's exhausted, but can't sleep long before he wakes up, arches his back, & screams. He's in terrible pain.

A friend wrote, "Being a mother calls you to trial time and time again. Why is it that raising children can be so wonderful and yet completely gut wrenching at the same time? Is this what makes it so wonderful and mesmerizing?"

We are indeed called to trial. It's now 3:21 & I haven't been to bed yet, trying to prepare for teaching, Lars is screaming in pain in spite of more morphine. So many questions about what it means that we had several okay days with only an hour or two of pain, and today it's been almost constant. Why? What changed?

We're going to Lars' first outpatient GI appointment tomorrow. Or I guess it's today. Tuesday. We're optimistic about seeing a nurse practitioner whose specialty is in the area of "Motility & Functional Gastrointestinal Disorders." This could be right up our alley, indeed. I unfortunately will again be working, but Andey has a long list of questions to bring in.

The weekend was wild. Lars & I made a kamikaze trip up to Montpelier, Vermont to attend our dear friend Cary's 40th birthday party. We ended up checking in to a hotel for an hour on the way up to take a bath.

Random time to bathe, you muse?

While we were driving, Lars opened his eyes from a nap and threw up all over himself & everything in the near vacinity. Head to toe. The hotel was warm & clean & private & had lots of towels and a lovely bath. Lars thought it was hysterically funny to take a bath in the middle of his car ride.

Turns out Andey bought some cute "Rhino Acidophilus" when Lars was in the hospital. We'd given him some then, but he had thrown up shortly after. We recently discussed trying it again, and decided that when we did try it again, it ought to be during the day time.

Saturday morning before our trip was when Andey decided to try it. We now know for sure that there's something in there that doesn't agree with Lars' belly.

At least it wasn't another round of the stomach flu. We made it to Cary's party & it was lovely. The fact that we got back at like 1:30 in the morning & I had to teach an intensive the next day didn't detract from the party. Although it may have detracted from the class.

Monica & Kathleen helped care for Larsy & Joa on Sunday while I taught & Andey slept (she was between two worknights). So many, many thanks to you both. And also for the black bean soup. Yum.

Joa got a valentine's box in the mail from Texas this week. He was so tickled by that, especially since it came from Monica's mom, whom he's never even met. The cute dinosaurs were a welcome contrast to his obsessions of the week, which include the Black Sabbath song "Iron Man" and a friend's computer game called "Dawn of War." Andey & I struggle with the violence he's so attracted to, even though his deeds are generally non-violent. He feels, and hears about, our discomfort and tells me how he's "ashamed" that he is so drawn to violent games. It's difficult to sort out our responses.

Today...yesterday...was our anniversary. Dear Lisa & John not only took care of the boys for us, including very unhappy Lars, but also treated us to dinner at a wonderful Indian restaurant in their hometown of Maynard. Imagine, a whole dinner out with just us. No interruptions. We ate like queens & had a wonderful talk. We're both amazed & delighted about how well we're doing together through this stress. It's been 14 years as a couple, 12 years since our first wedding, 6 years since our second wedding (Vermont civil union), and 2 1/2 years since the 3rd, legal wedding. Going strong.