Joa & I are gathering ideas for how Joa could handle anticipated upcoming encounters of various types, specifically what he could say when:
1. kids say mean things about Lars;
2. kids say mean things about people with cognitive impairments in general (i.e. "retard" & "retarded" used in pejorative way) & Joa feels hurt;
3. kids ask questions about Lars in a way that feels hurtful to Joa (i.e. "What's wrong with your brother?" "[insert incredulous tone] What do you mean he can't walk/talk/see?" "Is he stupid or something?");
4. he meets new kids at summer camp & they don't know about his brother.
There are added layers of "what do I say about my two moms & lack of dad, about my school & why I'm not in a 'grade,' about my long hair/when people think I'm a girl..."
If you have ideas about any of these, please either click the "comments" link below this post, or email them to joa at kynvi dot com &/or mama at kynvi dot com. The important part right now is that they come from people other than just Joa's parents. ;-) And Thanks.
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2 comments:
Passing on ideas from emails I've gotten:
"...most people don’t mean to be hurtful; they just don’t have the information. Usually, giving them a little information in a very unemotional, factual way works really well...
I think Joa could answer any of those questions or respond to any of those comments with simple information. A lot of people will be genuinely interested, and he may even make some friends that way---I know [my son/daughter] is VERY interested in a school with no grades, where the kids get to decide what they want to do. Likewise, about his hair, since it is his choice, he could just say that---“I like having long hair, and I decided to grow it and my parents let me.” (By the way, when [my son/daughter] asked me about his hair (“How come he has a long braid if he’s a boy?”), I just said he liked it that way, and the response was, “Oh. Cool.”
I think the same will hold true around question about Lars. Kids are bound to be curious, and if Joa is comfortable talking about Lars and letting them know that he was born this way, and here are some of the things he CAN do, and here is how we play, etc.--- kids are likely to accept it very well. So many kids are involved in inclusion programs at school these days---my kids have been in school with some pretty disabled children. It isn’t as much of a shock to them as it may have been to us at those ages.
"...have you ever read The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint Exupery? Not directly relevant to Joa & Lars, but worthy of a read, and full of little nuggets. Here's my favorite: "What is essential is invisible to the eye. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly." Read it together. It's time well-spent.
Best I can do for now."
Joa loves the idea that Lars has a different, special way of seeing with his heart. I think he could gage which kids he could say that to (closer friends, perhaps).
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