Okay, so Lars has been teething. Cutting these big giant six-year molars. He's never been a great teether, and these are no exception. Seems like they've been coming in for months and we're not done. They change his whole system, he gets fevers, drools, is in lots of pain, pink cheeks, red ears, etc., and most of all he gets intermittent pain and intense grumpiness. That's what I think has been going on the last few days. Monday & Tuesday he melted down at school, essentially presented as sick, I got called in, and he got sent home early. This morning I didn't even send him in. But then after he's gone from school--usually already on the ride home--he stops crying, chills out and is happy-as-a-clam boy with tons of energy, smiles, etc.
Okay, that said he also seems to have developed somewhat of a...shall we say dislike for being asked to work, at home or at school. It is my opinion that for some time he has been connecting the dots between whine/complain and get out of work. It's been a fine line to walk between pushing him to do a little more while reassuring / distracting / encouraging / singing or whatever it takes....and him tripping over that line and landing splat in I am utterly miserable and can't get myself out of it mode. I think his time in severe pain a couple years ago laid down and paved for him not only a neuro pathway for pain, but a superhighway that's like a wind tunnel, and any travels close to that highway suck him right into it. Once he's there, it's awfully difficult to locate and successfully take an exit ramp.
So the current question is has Mr. Cause-&-Effect now comprehended a larger cause & effect loop than he'd previously understood? Can he now pull I'm so sad my teeth hurt and if I melt down enough and pitch enough of a fit Mama or Michelle Sharpe or Allie will come pick me up and I'll get out of work?? Am I underestimating him to even question that he could get that? And if he is doing that, what am I going to do about it? How to know when he's actually sick? How to pay bills when I can't go to, or stay at, work? School can't be expected to deal with a screaming miserable boy who can't participate in the program. But I can't just come get him when he doesn't feel like working. I've had several conversations with him about it, but alas, our receptive vocabulary just isn't quite there....
O wise friends, what do you think?
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3 comments:
Lisa - Don't forget the fever part. When kids get fever, it may be teething, but it may be something else. And we can't just bring it on when we don't feel like working. I have seen some situations when it looks like Lars has got the better of us. And I can totally understand why he would prefer snuggling with you versus working in PT. But what is more important than giving your child the message that when he needs you...really needs you, that you will be there - even if it isn't a 'true' illness. I get the part about work and paychecks and all. This is the really tough part of doing this job yourself. Let's hope we get over this obstacle with Lars soon and move on. Those teeth will come in eventually and we'll all go on just fine - until those 10 year molars start moving...
Hmmm.... My personal opinion is that it has to be a judgement call each time. To Jill's point, a fever probably means "real" illness...... simply whining and screaming may just mean "I don't want to do this work". With Ben, when he was pre-verbal, we could often tell. He would scream and cry and throw himself on the floor at times during his ABA therapy --- those times we simply ignored the fussing and pushed through. When he was sick or in physical pain, we didn;t push it (though there is this miracle drug called MOTRIN......)
I think you have to trust your instincts, and also know that kids can be smarter than we give them credit for!
Good luck with the teeth!
Jen
Thank you both for your thoughts. I totally appreciate it. You're right about fever- while I used to try to fake that when I was trying to get out of school (put it in the hot chocolate, hold it near the light bulb), perhaps Larsy isn't a chip off the old block to quite that extent, eh? Well, not yet. And still when he's really screaming he works up a red face & a temp taken on the forehead that's 99°....may land in questionable territory? Or maybe this is all a projection and a re-living of my childhood through him. Hmmm....
I do also love both the idea of making a judgment call each time, and of giving Lars the message that when he really needs me, of course I will always be there. There's nothing more important to me than being there when he needs me. Truly. I think I just got worried about being duped. It's all in the balance.
I'm definitely breathing easier today.
Onward!
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